Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I've Got a Hot Date

Today's post is brought to you by that, "What is the point!?" feeling, when your brain and your body just want to quit because you feel like you're literally running into walls?

A few months ago, I went through a divorce. You know, life is full of birds and rainbows, and 401k's and long, happy future, and then WHAM - rug ripped right out from underneath you. I peeled my face off the floor, shook myself off and told myself the whole, "everything happens for a reason" schpeal (or is it spiel?) and have tried my best to carry on ...

It is really great having a significant other. It was great. That whole "you complete me" yadda-yadda was nice, but it's more than that - I knew who I was, I had a title: wife and army spouse. I was a part of a team. There's a lot of security there.

So what happens when you're kicked off the team? When you gotta turn in your jersey and watch someone else take your place?

You have to figure out new ways to fill your self-worth tank. That feeling of emptiness? That's the tank running low. And even with a significant other - it's a niggling feeling that can sprout up sometimes.

The only way to fill it up? You have to take care of yourself and do/achieve things that are YOURS AND YOURS ALONE. Stuff that no one (or any team) can take from you. 

You have to work on the person underneath the jersey, so to speak. Because who are you when you take it off? Self-worth comes from creating a strong bond with yourself. It's learning to accept your faults, your weaknesses, and rewarding your strengths.

You have to feel useful, skilled, and loved. Do not depend on others to communicate that they love you, value you, and need your skills. You need to be able to stand alone in a room and know, without a doubt, your worth.

Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to hate ourselves - and the hardest thing - to love ourselves. 

Don't take the easy way out. When you're in a relationship with you, you should love yourself without condition, because that's the hardest kind of love to develop. 

Nurture yourself. Know what you need to feel loved, skilled and useful. Yes, be selfish. Say no if you need to. Set boundaries. Show yourself some respect. Do not fall prey to negative self-talk. Would you let your best friend bash you verbally? No! So don't do it to yourself! Work on creating a healthy and supportive relationship with you - numero uno!

I've been in a relationship with myself for 26 years, and that's the one I nurture; the one that matters the most.


  1. You bought tears to my eyes with this one. Everything you said is exactly how I feel, but haven't ever quite been able to put into words. Thank You!

  2. So love this post! I going through a breakup and trying to see the postive in it all. I know divorce is way different. BUT it sucks like you said when you get kicked off the team, esp when you think your making it to the playoffs!

    Hugs from one girl to another!

  3. I loved this, very empowering! And a nice reminder to love myself!

  4. Wow! What an amazing post. Thank you so much for writing this, and sharing your experiences with your readers. You may not realize it, but you may have just changed a life or many with this post. Thank you!

  5. You go girl! I'm channeling your positive attitude right now. I am also on the spouts of divorce blah blah never thought it would have happened to me. I'm 25, thought I knew him and didn't. I believe in you and know it's tough, but living for yourself is SO much better! Doing what makes you happy, setting goals and charging through them. There's no better feeling that crossing those to-do's off your check list and realizing you did it without any help. All the best! Love your blog! So glad you took it off private. :)

  6. what a positive way to approach your life! I love coming here and always being so inspired by your words so thankyou for that :) xx

  7. I loved this post! I think you worded everything perfectly. And I truly, truly believe that everything does happen for a reason, but sometimes it's so hard for me to think that way. Thanks for the reminder in self worth!

  8. Just the wise words I needed to hear myself this morning. Good luck with the healing Courtney, I'm sure you'll be fine with that strong head on your shoulders.

  9. Such a great post! And I'm so glad to see you opened the blog back up! Your blog is one of my favorites!

  10. Thank you chick I needed to read this today xx

  11. Just went thru a divorce too and your words are the TRUTH.
    Take care of you!

  12. So inspiring. I just started CrossFit and your blog really resounds, Courtney. It's about being healthy, strong, pushing your boundaries, and being happy inside and out. Thank you for your writing. It means more that you know! Xxx