I'm sad, and pissed, and just thoroughly bummed out. Story of my fuggin' life it seems.
Finally did a work out today, after days of being sick and my thumb being jacked up. I was really excited. To be healthy, to be in the gym again.
Yeah, that didn't last long.
So, after helping assistant coach the workout incorrectly, we then did the workout, incorrectly. Then the boss showed up and said, kindly, we were doing it all wrong, leaving me feeling like a total ass hat (that's what I get for thinking I know anything), and for the first time in a long time, this girl didn't Rx her workout. But mostly, I feel bad for the members in there that had to do the work incorrectly, thanks to me.
We were supposed to be doing push jerks, I coached the split jerk. I saw everyone resorting to a push press, so I thought if we forced them to split, they'd have a little better time understanding the concept of the jerk. Well, that was dumb. Then, there was something about unbroken written on the board, and it went right over my head. We were supposed to do the sets unbroken. Only if you did them unbroken was it Rx'ed. This is why I didn't Rx it. My weight was right, my method wrong.
push jerk 135/95
kettlebell swings (2 pood/1.5 pood)
My time was 11:35 but who cares, I fugged it all up.
I'm just back in the place I was a few days ago, where I just want to go home. But that doesn't exist for me anymore, this is my new home. This is the sacrifice we as Army wives have to make. We have to leave everything behind, no matter how good it is. We have to start over, no matter how much it sucks.
I was so settled at Fort Hood. I was respected. I was acknowledged. I KNEW MY PLACE. I had a pack of friends I would have given my life for (still would), and mentors that I could go to with anything and seek guidance and support.
Now I am nothing. Have nothing. It's so hard for me to open up and trust, and here I am, back at the bottom, having to work and prove myself all over again, having to figure out where I fit in, where my place is, what the hell I am doing.
I'm tired. Because this is just going to happen again in another two years, when we PCS again. To another new place, with more new people ... Let's not even begin with how difficult this makes having a career! I wanted to go into Personal Training, yeah right. Do you know how hard it is to develop cliental when you're always on the move? I'll never be able to establish myself ...
Now I know why Army wives are generally fat, bored and have 19,000 kids.
In an effort to drown my sorrows, I just ate a Montana sized peanut butter and jelly sandwich. What is it about fat kid food that always makes me feel better? Hey, at least I didn't attack the peanut butter jar with a ladle this time.
I was going to partake in this weeks Tuesday Trainer, but due to events of this morning, don't have the confidence to work anyone through any kind of progression. Who am I to be teaching anything to anyone? Maybe next week I'll have the audacity to teach walking. Without falling. Seems like I could benefit from some of that.