Thursday, October 11, 2018

Bye Bye Hormonal Birth Control

It's been a week now since I posted to Instagram that I was quitting the pill. I've been on the Pill since I was 16 years young. That means that for more than half of my life, I have been on some form of synthetic hormone. GROSS. For more than just preventing pregnancy - but for so many other reasons that my doctors assured me the pill would cure. I suffered from pretty gnarly acne, as well as started showing signs of PCOS. Rather than testing me for it, my doctor just put me on the pill. I didn't know know any better, and I thought straight cycling was pretty damn legit. Girls, I didn't have my period. And my doctor told me that as long as I was on the pill, I could skip the "placebo" weeks, you don't need a "period bleed" on the pill. Because it's actually not a real period, anyways.

Do you know how nice it is going months and months without a period?

I thought it was pretty nice. I thought I was living the dream. Clear skin. No periods. Heaven, right?

Now I am off of it and OH MY GOSH.

It's only been a week, friends. One week.

Let me tell you what happened so far:

No sign of a period. This could take a while - I'm not in a hurry.

Skin is fine. I'm noticing it's not quite as dry as it used to be. This could be sebum production picking back up, I'm going to continue to do my daily facial cleansing routine. Still feel great without makeup, no major breakouts.

Sex drive. I don't know how to type this without sounding like an actual pervert. But I think about it all. the. time. I can definitely tell you that the pill immensely suppressed my sexual appetite. I didn't even realize how "dormant" I was until these last few days. I feel like I'm 16 again. And my body is  humming with it. And no, this is NOT because I haven't seen my husband in a week. He used to be gone for weeks, months even, and I never felt like this. It feels good to feel like this again.

Anxiety. A lot of people don't know this, but I suffer from some pretty crippling social anxiety and panic attacks. To the point I would cancel doctors appointments because I couldn't deal with it. I get sweaty, nervous, and anxious whenever I have to make small talk, and absolutely hate talking about myself to new people. The last few days have been so oddly peaceful. I haven't had one bout of social anxiety, not one. There's been so many opportunities for it, and as I look back, I realize I was cool as cucumber.

So major takeaways? Immense sex drive and way less anxiety.

I did a lot of things leading up to coming off the of the pill that I hoped would make this transition easier, including totally changing my diet and also adding some new supplements. Time will tell. If it's effective, I'll let you guys know what I did in hopes that it can help you.

So now you spill the beans - have you been on Hormonal Birth Control? Did you quit it? How's it affected you?

Monday, October 8, 2018


I survived the day! I was on my feet from 8am to 8pm, but I did it all. Allow me a moment to toot my productivity horn:

Grocery shopped
Meal Prepped
Unpacked (finally)
Mowed the Lawn
Cleaned the out-garage
In-processed new Nutrition Clients
Started reviewing weekly check-ins
Programmed for Remote Clients

I had to fill the mower with gas for the first time. I think I poured more gas on myself than I got in the tractor, but oh well. Is anyone else terrified that spilling even an ounce of gasoline is going to cause them to blow up? Like in the movies? I always expect a random spark of fire to come out of nowhere and just POOF. I'm gone. 

PS: Gasoline is a REALLY hard smell to get off your skin, by the way. I ended up using a pumice soap to help scour it off of me last night in the shower. Ugh.

I love mowing though. I think more than I love cooking. Maybe they just lend themselves to each other perfectly? After being inside, around the smells of foods (guys, I made GOOD stuff this week!),  it's so refreshing to go outside, get fresh air, see wildlife, watch the sun go down ... (I got a pretty late start on mowing, it's a good thing that bad boy has great headlights). 

Think Travis will let me keep that chore when he comes home? He can do the inside chores - the laundry, vacuuming, mopping, cleaning the bathrooms ... HAH.

More than anything, I'm super grateful for being incredibly busy. It means I don't have time to sit around and miss him. Because it's at home when I miss him the most. At home is when I'm surrounded by all of his things. This home is the culmination of our lives together. When he's not here, it's like sitting in chair missing a leg. Something isn't right.

Speaking of busy, I have a German Shepherd begging for some serious attention. Time to go play ball.

Have a great week, ya'll!

Sunday, October 7, 2018

When Things Don't Go To Plan

One of the hardest lessons I'm learning in life is that sometimes - things just don't go to plan. As an Army wife to a deployed servicemen, there's an attitude shift that has to happen to survive.

Bend - don't break. Things will not go to plan. You can always have the best intentions, but some days are just not going to be in your favor.

Give yourself permission to cry. I still haven't had the time yet to slow down and really process what the next year is going to look like with Travis gone, I allow myself a little tear here or there and a sad moment, and then I have to get up and move along. Because #adulting. The show must go on.

When in doubt - put the "important" things off for family time. I'm in a weird position in that I don't work a 9-5 Monday-Friday. I can't take a Sick Day or a Personal Day. And my weekends are actually my busiest. Because my weekends are so full of work, it means I don't have a lot of time to spend with friends and family. I'm doing my best to slowly re-arrange my schedule to allow for some weekend downtime.

I didn't donate blood yesterday, because I couldn't get myself out of my pajamas and into the gym. Waterworks were in full effect. But I HAD to get myself up and out of the house to at least get DH's first care package out in the mail before the Post Office closed. And I did make it into the gym after the fact, to get at least a few things done (totally not in the mood), when my mother in law text me and said they were meeting at a local winery for food and drink.

I was looking at my long to-do list - grocery shopping for Athleat Kitchen, in-process new clients, programming for remote clients, and on and on - when I just said "Not today." I needed them. I needed good company, and friendship, and family. My husband's family is amazing, and they always make my heart so full.

So what started out as the worst day yet of the deployment (not even a week in, guys), turned into one of the better ones. I didn't get ANYTHING done that I needed to, but my head and my heart are in a better place to get to work today.

Most people will be enjoying their Sunday, watching football, having breakfast in bed, NetFlix and chill. Meanwhile, my to-do list is growing. Mowing our 2-acre yard needs to get tackled sometime in the next 8 hours.

You win some, you lose some.

Have a great Sunday, ya'll!

Saturday, October 6, 2018


I started this blog merely as a means to share my day to day actives with running, CrossFit, school (I was in school when I started this blog, that many eons ago). And then I started to tell myself this different story. That my content needed to be meaningful, informative and educational to be worthy of posting.

Completely. Not. True. I used to blog for myself, just as other people journal or meditate - for themselves. My blog just happens to be on a public platform with a slightly larger reader availability.

My husband is going to be gone for the next 9 months - but I still want to give him a chance to see what's going on day to day - the small stuff that we don't really get to talk about. The sweet moments the get missed. And I want a chance to reflect on some of the things that are happening in my life without him here - how I'm handling it all. I'm sure I'll be giving myself lots of gold stars, because I depended on Travis for a lot of things. I mean, duh, I married him in part because he's pretty much the most capable human on the Earth. So, I'm going to be trying to fill his shoes while also running my own life.

Yeehaw, it's going to be a wild ride ...

I got home on Monday night. So far, I've only had two glasses of wine the entire week - it's Saturday. Completely winning.

I still need two cups of coffee to function in the morning. I'm seriously jet-lagged still from Texas time.

I'm using my workouts in the gym to completely help me deal with Travis leaving and the fact that he's going somewhere very unsafe. I mean, rather than actually process this upheaval of emotions I have - fear, anger, sadness, loneliness - I just head to the gym and do the hardest shit I can to my body The more it hurts, the better I feel. It's like I have this void inside of me that I'm trying to fill with fitness.

So far, it's working. Let's see how long it lasts. :) Hopefully 9 months.

I'm off to the gym now - WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT - yes, to workout, but also because we're doing a Blood Drive for the sweetest little girl that's suffering from a blood disorder. She needs blood transfusions every 21 days. She's only THREE. Can you imagine?

PS: Am I the only one that doesn't know their blood type?

Friday, August 31, 2018

My Last Regional Rodeo

I am so happy I soaked up the sun and the entire experience in Palm Beach while I could.

Because now Regionals is gone. Regionals was pretty much the only competition I trained for the last two years. The Open and Regionals were what gave me incredible motivation and got me through hours of tough training sessions. Doing well enough in the Open to guarantee our team would have the best success to make it. 

This year we sent a team from our home gym - which was amazing - to represent at the Atlantic Regional in Florida. That is no easy feat. Every year, the competition gets stiffer & the workouts get harder. There were 11,000 plus people in our Region. Our team finished Top 15. Guys - that's kind of nuts.

When Castro announced teams were moving from 6 down to 4 this year - we knew just how much harder that was going to become. But we had 4 athletes (2 girls, 2 men) who historically have always placed in the Top 100 and above. Kim and I have both competed at Regionals as Individuals (back in the day), and Travis and Jared were always right on the cusp. I was pretty damn confident we could do it, even with my husband not 100%, still healing from his motorcycle accident. More than that, we had an entire gym behind us who believed in us. Of course we were going to make it.

This was one of my favorite years of CrossFit to date. I loved my training program and my training partners. I dialed in my nutrition and completely stopped drinking. I learned how to manage my sleep and cortisol levels. I managed to get stronger and fitter with a torn labrum. My life revolved around training and recovering. I was busier than ever - but also incredibly satisfied at the end of the day, realizing this vision, making this dream happen.

Competing at Regionals was absolutely the best. In 2017, I was sick with the flu literally up until the first day of competition. I felt tired and weak out there on the floor, and my husband had just been in a terrible motorcycle accident. My mind and my heart just wasn't in the competition. 

This year, I was healthy, happy, surrounded by family, friends and my husband was right there on the floor next to me. I get emotional just recalling some of my favorite memories ... one of them, I was patting him on the back during the worm/thruster event, because I knew he was trying so hard not to blow up for us. He makes this face where his eyes get really big; we can't let him go down that Rabbit Hole or we can never get him back.

We fought hard to finish Top 10, almost made it. We settled out the weekend in 12th. But it really wasn't about the Leaderboard for us - it was about being there. It was about this small village of people that supported us to get there. It was about the hours of training we spent together - because these people believe in me just as much, if not more, than I beleive in them. Training on a team is one of the neatest experiences you can ever have; shared joy is one million times better than individual joy. Walking off the floor together after laying it all out there, not once, but 6 times, your ears still ringing from the cheering and the commentators saying "GammaLammaDingDongs" over and over ... these will forever be some of my favorite memories.

I will miss having training partners like Ashley, and our hour long warm ups. I will miss working out with Jared and literally ZERO warm ups. I will miss working out with my husband because he will actually be gone for the next 9 months, deployed overseas.

This is a new beginning for me. As the song goes, every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. 

I'm shifting my focus from competitive training to just being healthy. And learning what that means. How to manage fitness, wellness and the desire to be competitive, while having fun in the gym.

While I'm working on figuring out what my new normal is going to look like - right now I'm just so grateful to have experienced Regionals as many times as I did. It's been a huge part of my life for the last 5 years! In 2014, I competed as an Individual. In 2015 and 2016, I volunteered as a judge. And in 2017, 2018, I competed on a Team. 

This is the end of an era for me. It's a little sad. It's a lot sad. I don't know what the new changes will look like. For the up and coming CrossFit competitors, I am sure it will be no big deal. They won't mind traveling to compete and doing online qualifiers for CrossFit Game sanctioned events - wherever and whatever those are. But for me - someone who's been doing CrossFit since it was grassroots, since before Reebok came around - I'm happy to be one of those people who can happily say, "Remember Regionals?"