Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Out of the Depths

Sometimes I wonder what it is I have to blog about anymore. When I started this blog; it was to document the adventures of being married. I originally think the title of it was something super cool like, "Milspouse Adventures" ... then it became a blog of my new found obsession for running and "fitness" (I loved the Nike+ app on iPhone!) And then about eating and making clean food. Mmm, food! And then as I got busier, life became crazier, I had less time in the kitchen to cook. Less recipes were posted. Less foodie photos. I was balancing school, CrossFit, still running and biking too many miles a week, being a military spouse (we PCS'ed (moved) several times over the course of 3 years) and working.

But then ... I went through my divorce. And I moved to Kuwait. 


When life is good, I always want to talk about it. When life gets hard, that's when you'll see my blog posts wane. I don't like to focus on the negative. I don't like to write that down, it makes it permanent. I don't want to look back at a period in my life where I was going through a hard time. Does that make me naive? To think that if I don't document it, maybe it didn't happen? I can forget about it. 

Last night I was looking through one of my WOD journals, from September 2011. I wrote in it "Swung my first kettle bell over my head today!"

Just let that soak in for a minute. I went to Regionals this year. 3 years ago, I couldn't swing a kettle bell over my head.

Last September (when I moved to Kuwait) is when I started following CrossFit competitively; quit the running, quit the biking, just focused solely on CrossFit and following a competitive program. 


Last night I did 30 burpee muscle ups for time. It had a 15 minute cap on it. I was nervous about this workout all day. Butterflies. Sweaty palms. I didn't have muscle ups during the Open this year, and I barely had them at Regionals (I did singles all the way through Nasty Girls V2). Muscle ups were the bane of my existence. They were painful (thanks to Snapping Triceps Syndrome). My training partners over there, bless their hearts, knew not to talk to me after getting off the rings, because when I'm in pain like that, I'm mean. BioFreeze and elbow sleeves were the only thing that kept me going. 

But I pushed through the pain. Because that's what I do. That's all I know. 


Suffering is what I've been doing since I can remember. Seeing things kids shouldn't have to see. At 9, watching my mom die. Being separated from my dad, then my sister, and eventually my brother. Moving like a nomad. Eventually, out on my own at 16. Working and going to school. Bad relationships after bad relationships. Drinking like a fish, smoking like a chimney. The understanding didn't come until recently that my shit hand of cards were not dealt to me because I was a bad person, but because life has an interesting way of unfolding.

Last night I did that workout. 30 burpee muscle ups for time. Well under the time cap. I didn't fail one muscle up, and I experienced no pain. Just euphoria. I realized I am a damn good poker player. Deal me the shittiest cards, and I'm still going to come at you with a royal flush.

This is why CrossFit works for me. The sad truth about being used to suffering your entire life; is that you come to expect it. You almost end up looking for it. It's a kind of dysfunction. Enter: bad relationships and bad life choices that eventually lead you down to a road of ... guess what? More pain.

CrossFit essentially saved me from making life decisions that would lead me to more suffering; because I'm getting all of the pain and dysfunction I want in the gym. I don't want to make CrossFit sound screwed up, because it's not. It's a completely safe and effective program, scalable for all ages and fitness levels. But CrossFit will make you dig into the deepest, darkest corners ... and if you want that suffering to be worth something, you can't quit. You have to be your own hero, every day. 

CrossFit taught me that through suffering, comes wisdom, comes the light. 


Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said, "the most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths."

It's crazy to think that something as menial as a WOD with some silly muscle ups (that most competitive athletes have zero problem with), could have such great impact, but when I finished that last rep, I truly felt like I had found my way out of the depths. If someone had told me 3 years ago when I was swinging that kettle bell over my head that I'd be doing 30 burpee muscle ups for time in the future;  I would have maybe dropped that bell on their face.

Why do I blog? Because life is a journey worth being documented. Because even though I've suffered, it does not define who I am.

I am a coach, an affiliate owner, a rescue dog mom, a divorcee, an athlete ... I'm not perfect and I don't claim to be. But this is my walk. Thanks for following me along. 

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Doing What I Love

Thanks for the support in the Nudity incident. Facebook didn't take it down a second time, so guess who has two thumbs and won that battle? Boom! Justice is served. 

If you follow my Facebook page or Land Warrior CrossFit's Facebook page (which you should be if you aren't!), I hope you heard my awesome news. 

I'm the new Head Coach and Operations Manager (and co-owner) at LWCF in Windsor Locks, CT! 

I'm absolutely ecstatic about this new position!


So much so, that my original plan to road trip across the country, from Oregon to Connecticut, started to seem like it would take way too long. Chomping at the bit to get this new chapter started, I instead took a leap of faith. I brokered a deal to have my car shipped across the country so that Elliott and I could fly, and I'm spending one last week relaxing in Pennsylvania with the BF before assuming my new role next week. 


I can't wait to meet the athletes, work with coaches, and grow our local CrossFit community. 
I would love if you would support us!

For motivation and more, check out our Facebook page, Instagram, and Twitter

If you're in the area, we're hosting a legit competition on November 8th, a two-person team competition. Cash prizes, and sponsors up the WAZOO. Kill Cliff, Box Junkie, Mad Fitter, you name it. 


What else is new? I changed my hair color. It seemed fitting, with the changing seasons.


From ├╝ber blonde to brunette.


I don't know why my lips look like zombie lips in this picture? 

I do miss the blonde though, it may be back sooner rather than later. ;) 


Happy Hump Day!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Reported for Nudity

We made it #facebookofficial. Surprised? :)


I made this my profile photo. 


Facebook removed it yesterday without telling me why. So, I put it back up. Someone reported it AGAIN. This time Facebook told me WHY. Apparently, it's contains NUDITY.

According to Facebook's Community Standards for nudity, that would mean:

"Facebook has a strict policy against the sharing of pornographic content and any explicitly sexual content where a minor is involved. We also impose limitations on the display of nudity. We aspire to respect people’s right to share content of personal importance, whether those are photos of a sculpture like Michelangelo's David or family photos of a child breastfeeding."

I have seen a lot profile photos of folks in bathing suits, on their wedding day kissing (in a strapless or backless wedding dress), breastfeeding their baby, etc. 

While I wait for Facebook to review it (it's still up since the 2nd time I put it back up, but if they deem it in violation of their standard, it will be removed), I thought I'd ask your opinion. 

I don't think my photo is inappropriate, I think I have a hater (I'm pretty used to haters).
What do you think?